Long Weekend!

Saturday

Shanghai Garage Sale

    The Shanghai Restaurant is cleaning out their basement and is having a huge garage sale. You may be thinking to yourself “Why would I need a bunch of restaurant stuff?” Answer: because it's not just a bunch of restaurant stuff! There'll be lamps, vintage plates, aprons, furniture, teacups, and more.
    There will also be refreshments (a must for any event worth leaving your house for) and entertainment — Django Libre will be playing alongside Ottawa's famous China China Doll.

Shanghai Restaurant, 651 Somerset Street West. 10 a.m. 613-233-4001

www.shanghaiottawa.com

Serbian Festival

    There's an old Serbian saying that goes do not measure the wolf's tail till he is dead.

    If you have no idea what that means seek answers at the 2012 Serbian Festival at the Serbian Orthodox Church.
    There is going to be lots of sports tournaments, arts&crafts for children, Serbian folk dancing lessons, and food. Oh, the food.

Serbian Orthodox Church, 3662 Albion Road. 9a.m. (but food service starts at noon) -10p.m. Free Admission. 613-738-8045.
serbianfest.scetistefan.ca

All Weekend

Whales Tohorā

      You've had since March. This is the last weekend to behold the undersea world of whales. This incredibly interactive and visually striking exhibit explores the relationship between humans and whales, the relatives of the whale such as porpoises and dolphins, and the future of the species. There is no photography allowed so bring your sketch pad or turn the flash on your iPhone off.
Canadian Museum of Nature, 240 McLeod Street. 9a.m.-6p.m. $12.00. 613-566-4700

www.nature.ca

Psychic, Mystic, and Seers Fair

   I am such a sucker for this sort of entertainment.

   “Dana, we should totally have our palms read.” 

   “Pssht,” says I.

   But I am putty in their hands. I want the seer to be right so bad that I'll coax them along to the correct answer. I wander away totally ready to use my new information to my grand advantage.

   It isn't until later that I'll get all squinty-eyed and suspicious.
   I'm not an only child... I have a dog, not a cat... I hate shellfish.

...hey....

   It doesn't matter, though. I 'll go back every time. And I'll leave with an energy-crystal, dammit.

   I expect this to be great fun.

Nepean Sportsplex, 1701 Woodroffe Avenue. Friday 4p.m.-10p.m., Saturday 11a.m.-10p.m., Sunday 11a.m.-7p.m., Monday 11a.m.-6p.m. I don't know what the admission costs so bring $20 cash, just in case. 613-580-2828.

website

La Petite Mort Gallery presents The Price of Sex by Mimi Chakarova

   The Price of Sex is a photogrpahy project outlining the lives of many —predominately Eastern European — women who have been manipulated or threatened into sexual slavery.
   She outlines incredible statistics, the recruiting process, and interviews women in the industry.

   Check out the trailer 

La Petite Mort Gallery, 306 Cumberland Street. Exhibit August 31^st through September 30^th. Free Admission. 613-860-1555.
 www.lapetitemortgallery.com

OTW is out of town!

OTW is off to Vancouver!

   I was going to make a post about the happenings in Vancouver. 

   I was even prepared to make a joke about a cougar and an older sex-lady who likes younger men.

early sketches of comedy gold

   However, it turns out that it's hard to write about the hip places in town when you've never been there.

   Also Vancouver is more dangerous than any of us ever thought... which is a distracting thought.

    A 1991 study showed that the highest proportion of cougar attacks have occurred in British Columbia, particularly on Vancouver Island where cougar populations are especially dense. 

      “Oh, Dana — Vancouver is so great; you'll probably not die at all.” Nice try, friends.

   Much like bears, your best chance at survival is to pretend to be bigger, speak loudly and calmly, and maintain intense eye-contact. However, do not play dead and do not poo yourself (it's a pungent sign that you're afraid). Don't run, either; these assholes love a good chase.

   To survive an orca encounter, stay out of the ocean. Being in it is completely avoidable and unnecessary.     The ocean is big and everything in it will kill you.

Look at your legs. Are they attached to each other and come to a wonderful fan at the bottom? No? Then go find your local community pool.

There is also a nude beach. So...

early sketches of a bad "beached-whale" joke

August 11 & 12

National Capital Craft Beer Week

   It's beer and food in the Cap! Participating venues will be hosting craft beer-related events at different locations across the city.
   Sample local craft beer, ear some delicious food, and listen to experts in craft beer share their knowledge or take in some music on the main stage.

   There's an event for every beer-lover, from casual to connoisseur!

Marion Dewar Plaza, 110 Laurier Avenue West. 11 a.m. until 10:30 p.m. One-day pass $15.00, Friday & Saturday pass $20.00 (Runs until Aug 18). See the website for How ItWorks 613-590-2496.

www.nationalcapitalbeerweek.com

Ice Cream Festival

    Straight from the cow's four-pronged boob to your mouth — it's the best way to enjoy ice cream!
    Make your own ice cream using a manual ice cream maker, learn about the steps involved, and sample ice cream made from other mammal's mammaries! Mmm!

hopefully not this mammal

    

   There's a milking demonstration at 4:00 p.m., and a yoga class at 12:30 p.m. and 3:30 p.m.

   Lactose-intolerants stay home.

Canada Agriculture Museum, 861 Prince of Wales Drive. 10 a.m. until 4 p.m. $9.00. 613-991-3044.

www.agriculture.technomuses.ca 

South Asian Festival

   Food! Dance! Culture!

   Everyone of all ethnice backgrounds are welcome to enjoy the sights and sounds of the South Asian Festival. There will be art, performances, cuisine, and educational opportunities (fun-education, probably).

   Check out their event schedule.

Confederation Park, at Elgin Street and Laurier Avenue West. 11 a.m. until 9 p.m. Free admission! 613-291-8624.

www.southasianfest.net

Capital Pride Pageant

    Capital Pride Week starts next Friday so it's time to vote for the Capital's drag-representatives for the upcoming year!

    2011's Miss Capital Pride was Electra and Brandon was Mr. Capital Pride (I'm pretty sure. Please, someone correct me if I'm wrong).

    If you're interested in becoming a contestant click here and download the PDF Registration Kit.

The Lookout Bar, 41 York Street. Starts at 8:30 p.m. $15.00 at the door. 613-789-1624.

www.capitalpride.ca 

Hog's Back Falls

    Two weekends ago Elliott and I went to Hog's Back Falls. It was amazingly pretty and picnic-perfect.

    It's completely surreal to be surrounded by nature but to stand on your tippy-toes and be able to see the top of the city-scape.

    There are a couple plaques with historical information on them, a little walk-over so you can watch the water pour from the dam, and an abandoned armchair.

It's pretty spectacular.

Hog's Back Park — off Hog's Back Road.

http://www.canadascapital.gc.ca 

Aug 4&5 Review

   The weekend started the way every weekend should — by putting your ass perilously close to a stranger's face and body.

   The Rama Lotus Yoga Centre is the best place in the world to do yoga (you heard it here first, folks).

   It's an inclusive, comfortable place to practice and be still and demonstrate extreme compassion and maturity.

   After packing up and apologising profusely, I made my way to the Busker's Festival to meet Elliott. (On the way, I was propositioned by this man:

I was more offended that someone paired silver and gold in the same outfit.

   This was my first time visiting the Busker's Fest and I learned something very important; buskers are people who can't pass the criminal record check to work at the circus. (probably).

   An unbelievably charming man in tights stopped near the end of his act to tell us that buskers don't have salaries but rely very much on crowd-donations. Ten dollars would be great. Twenty dollars is better. Fifty or a hundred, whatever! But anything less than ten dollars is insulting. Don't bother with small change. He went on to remind us that he had heard laughing and, therefore, had done his job and would we do a job for free?

   Oh, certainly not, vagrant.

   This incredibly awkward and blatant requisition went on for so long that people actually started to crouch low to the pavement and sort of crab-scuttle away.

   Some time later, on our way home, we finally got to see what every person who is forced to take public-transit hopes to see...

            a bus fight.

The short one lost by way of neck-wringing but the tall one was ejected so... lose-lose, I guess.

   This is why bus-etiquette is so important. If the short one had heeded the unspoken law of exiting through the back door of the bus he never would have been strangled. Some people gotta learn the hard way.

   On the holiday Monday, I went to The Works on Bank to meet up with some friends.

There isn't even an anecdote to go with this; their burger was just so damn good.

Props to their staff for demonstrating incredible patience.

Long Weekend!

Saturday

Urban Art Show

   In the springtime, art shows were everywhere and getting a little boring. How many re-purposed forks can you really look at before the concept starts to feel tired? (Three).
   However, as summer got warmer and the air became heavier it seemed that what this city really needed was a good art sale again. My kingdom for a pushy artisan!
   We're finally in luck with the Urban Art Show. It features mostly local artists (I think there will actually be over 60 artists) and this year they're introducing a Graphic Design/Art category.
   If you're not out to buy it'll no doubt be a great place to get inspired.

Minto Park, Elgin Street and Gilmour Street. 9 a.m. Free admission. Contact 

http://www.urbanartshow.ca

Sunday

Open Blues Jam

   This event is the longest running Open Blues Jam in Ottawa. The Rainbow Bistro has been bringing eclectic music to their stage for the last 27 years. I haven't been in but apparently their venue is amazing; a fireplace, stone and wood accents for that chalet feel, skylights, and a second story view of the stage.
   So chase your blues away (HA HA HA HA HA) with a chill evening listening to great music.

The Rainbow Bistro, 76 Murray Street. Free for jammers, $3.00 for listeners. Every Sunday! 613-241-5123
www.therainbow.ca

All Weekend

International Busker's Festival

   Or as I like to call it : Proud Beggars Unite.

   Nah, the festival is actually renowned for the huge spectrum of talented people performing throughout the weekend. It's probably hard for people like Sophie the Fire Weaver, Reuben Dot Dot, and Boobily the Clown to find a traditional venue to perform their special acts.
   Of course, as with any street-worker, this shizz ain't free; don't forget your spare change to encourage the performers you like most!

Sparks Street Mall, Sparks Street. 11 a.m. until August 6^th. And though admission is free bring change! 613-230-0984

www.sparksstreetmall.com

Rideau Canal Festival

   It's the 180^th anniversary of the Rideau Canal!... and also of all those deaths.

   It's going to be a full weekend of outdoor leisure, art, history, and fireworks! There's something called Pirate Adventures. NOBODY TELL ME WHAT THAT IS... I want to be shown.
UPDATE: The fireworks have been cancelled due to it never raining anymore. There is, however, going to be a parade of boats with pretty lights attached so stick around for that. 

Bytown Museum/Ottawa Locks, 1 Canal Lane or Dow's Lake Pavillion, 1001 Queen Elizabeth Drive. $10.00 for a weekend pass (some activities are free, so...). Until August 6^th. 613-688-5942
http://www.rideaucanalfestival.ca